essay 2

Ryuto Nakayama

English 101

Holly Pappas

3/22/2021

Ready for peer review

In the article “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement”, the author talks about the effects of estrangement in family relationships, specifically between the parents and an adult child. There were three main causes of estrangement in family relationships. The first cause of estrangement is divorce, which is said to “to heighten the risk [of estrangement] for both mothers and fathers—especially fathers.” (13, Coleman). The next cause is ‘anxious’ parenting. For many adult children, this parenting style is overbearing and “threatens to push them off their own moorings; it leaves them unable to find their footing…” (15, Coleman). Lastly, the setting of unrealistically high expectations in families have separated parents and their child. Even so, estrangement can affect families in different ways depending on their situation. The article “The truth about family estrangement” discusses how there may be positive outcomes of estrangement between families.

I was reading a family article called, “ A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling.” Some kids grow up and end up not wanting to be with their parents, because they used to experience abusive or rejecting from their parents.Parents like this are sometimes unable to get back with their kids. Sometimes Adult child and parents usually do not get along, because sometimes they think that parents do not respect heir boundaries. Adult child also thinks that parents do not fit the requirements for a healthy relationship. Even though they raised their kids with all their love and heart, that kid will never understand. When parents and adult child do not get along, sometimes it is parents’ fault, but also adult child’s fault. Parents will worry about their kids too much, and they don’t realize that they are stressing the kids out even more. This makes kids not wanting to be with parents anymore and wanting them to move away from them. Over the past 50 years, parents in the United States have been working very hard to become good parents. They gave up hobbies, sleeping, and to spend time with their friends just to raise a good kid. The reason why they do that is because they want their kid to have a successful adulthood. . They also found from other studies that shows why adult children were estranged from their parents. They were because emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in childhood by the parent, toxic behaviors.  Article also shows that divorce appears to especially father at greater risk of being estranged from their kids. If they were never married to the mother. They would more distance relationship if one of them ever to

 

Coleman’s article talks about various ways that estrangement can negatively affect a family, but “some of the clinical literature would say, actually, estrangement is maybe the best way to deal with these types of relationships” (Gilligan). Even though there is a stigma attached to family division, there are cases where it could bring ‘freedom and independence’ to those involved. In cases of family abuse, victims are escaping toxic and harmful environments. There are also cases of estrangement that aren’t permanent, where “people cycle in and out of distance and reunification” (Ro). These cases are somehow overlooked in the issue of estrangement, where it is always seen from a negative point of view. Another example of the opposition from this stigma comes from a study conducted at Johns Hopkins University, where “comments that among Vietnamese families where there’s parental rejection of LGBT women or trans men… usually siblings are closer, and a supportive sibling helps a lot” (Ro). This example gives perspective on how estrangement can have positive effects on different kinds of family relationships, specifically siblings. In the article, “A Shift in American Family Values is Fueling Estrangement.” shows a lot of negative effects on estrangement in a family relationship between a parents and adult child, but I believe it is not just a negative effect. I believe adult children needs to get out of the house and stay away from their parents if they feel like they really need to. Sometimes I feel like I need to get out of this house and live by myself. When I live under the same roof with my parents, I feel like they expect too much from me, and it pushes a lot of stress onto me. I do not want to estrange away from my parents, but just temporary live away from my parents to feel what the real freedom feels like. I also want to try to figure stuff out by myself, instead of parents yelling at me to figure out. I believe it will be a positive effect for myself, if I end up staying away from my parents. Why would you want to live with people would is physically abusive to you?   Wouldn’t your life be 200 times better if you estrange from those people and start a new life.  You are parents’ child, but you are an adult. You know what the best decision for yourself is, go do what you think is the best for yourself. The article also tells that, “some of the clinical literature would say, actually estrangement is maybe the best way to deal with these types of relationships.” (Gilligan). This quote shows that estrangement is not only a negative effect.

 

Ro, Christine. “The Truth about Family Estrangement.” BBC Future, BBC, 31 Mar. 2019, www.bbc.com/future/article/20190328-family-estrangement-causes.

 

Coleman, Joshua. “A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 10 Jan. 2021, www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/01/why-parents-and-kids-get-estranged/617612/.